This is the time of year when overwhelm with the upcoming holidays with family are adding to our daily stress. You might feel it already. It sounds like: What to do about X?, Do we have to?, How to do I talk to ..?, I should do.., I’m so stressed out and “this” adds to it. This being – family issues, politics, health, expectations, finances, traditions, travel, dealing with challenging people, and responsibilities.
AND it’s the time of gratitude and thanksgiving.
Let’s acknowledge ALL of “this” can be stressful and overwhelming.
Can we be Grateful AND say NO to have Healthy Boundaries?
YES, yes you can!
AND you get to!
- a positive reframe of I have to, I need to, I should.
Speaking of Grateful – I am grateful for you my coaching clients, readers, followers and supporters. I am especially grateful for supportive family and friends.
How to be Grateful and say NO
1. Take a moment to lean into being grateful and thankful
Utilize the 5 Things Gratitude Exercise - click here
2. How do you wish to express gratitude and thanksgiving?
3. How would you like to be thanked?
4. Take time to discern healthy boundaries you need. It’s a strong resilience skill!
Healthy boundaries = Saying yes to what you want to and NO to what you don’t want, while mitigating toxic people and environments.
With a theme of No November. Think of what you’d like to say no to.
Benefits of Healthy boundaries - a short list: Here's a longer list of benefits.
How to plan & start saying “NO” while setting healthy boundaries:
1. Evaluate the upcoming holiday season and the events, traditions, travel, and gatherings.
a. What brings you joy, happiness, gratitude, and love?
b. What brings you stress, anxiety, and negativity?
2. Next evaluate your calendar and schedule with energy, time, travel, and rest included.
a. What do you want to say Yes to?
b. What do you want to say No to?
3.Triggers – be aware of them and make a mitigation plan.
a. Take note of previous triggers and things that stress you.
b. What sort of mitigation or management of stress can you plan for?
Examples of mitigation strategies:
4. Practice Soft No and Hard No’s
Soft no’s – leaves room for a possible yes & can be easier
Hard No’s – firm but kind
5. Want to say No but just “can’t / won’t” options:
Those challenging times, people and events that no feels like too much. Too hard to say no, it feels too uncomfortable or awkward, you want to avoid a blow up, or you might also be wresting with what the boundary you want to set.
Say yes to what you want to without saying, No.
How to set boundaries for healthy living and happier times
Determine your boundaries – see this article I wrote on how to set them.
Communicate your boundary with love, grace and respect with the host/family friend and yourself. Example: I may need to step out or leave to take care of myself.
When the boundary is overstepped - Stay firm and stand your ground with your boundaries. It’s not if it’s when. Prepare for this.
a. Repeat your boundary without emotion, judgement & respectfully
b. Don’t engage with other person or in an argument
c. You do not need to explain or justify yourself
d. Remove yourself from the room, place, situation if it escalates
More Boundary Resources:
More tips for setting boundaries with friends and families - Click Here
When there’s been changes in the family dynamics – deaths, divorce, illness …
Tips for survival and navigating the change. – Click here
10 more strategies for family time & holidays
The 7 Types of Boundaries
You can be grateful and say No. I encourage you to take time to be grateful and express thanksgiving. Please create healthy boundaries and say NO for you and your mental health. It’s No November after all. Make space for yourself and be mindful of how you spend the time, energy and your interactions.
I plan extra quiet time in between gatherings and events. I continue to work on boundaries and being comfortable with no, stating my boundaries and saying no while expressing gratitude and thanksgiving. We agree how long we will stay as a couple before we leave is another example of healthy boundaries.
May you be grateful AND set healthy boundaries for you and your loved ones. I hope you feel more comfortable setting your boundaries and practicing saying No in November and all year long.
I wish you and yours a peaceful and blessed November and holiday season.
If you or someone you know would like support dealing with stress, building resilience, career development, change, or has been knocked down reach out and contact me. I provide a safe place to find courage and live boldly.
I have space for 2 additional clients in November & December. If you or someone you know would like support with your career, goals, setting priorities, becoming resilient or bouncing back, please contact me. Let’s have a conversation to see how I can be of support.
Latest Client Wins: “I’m doing so much better after working with you. Thank You!”, "Wow, I have actions and a plan after just one coaching session!" Thank you, clients!
Follow me on social media for insightful contemplation prompts, tips, and motivational quotes.
Please share, like, or comment.
Peace, Love, and Blessings,
Teresa – leaning into saying No and being mindful with boundaries while being grateful
Teresa Q. Bitner, M.Ed., PMP, PCC - Resiliency, Change and Loss Coach
Partnering with those who have been knocked down by life and want to build resiliency and move forward and live a bold life.
[email protected]
www.boldfulfilledlifecoach.com
Author of:
· Soul Love: How A Dog Taught Me to Breathe Again
· The First Days: Coping with Life after Loss (updated 2nd edition)
· Explorations into the Being and Doing of Coaching: A collection of voices, insights, and wisdom from Austin area coaches
· My Journey as a Widow: A Widow’s First Journal
AND it’s the time of gratitude and thanksgiving.
Let’s acknowledge ALL of “this” can be stressful and overwhelming.
Can we be Grateful AND say NO to have Healthy Boundaries?
YES, yes you can!
AND you get to!
- a positive reframe of I have to, I need to, I should.
Speaking of Grateful – I am grateful for you my coaching clients, readers, followers and supporters. I am especially grateful for supportive family and friends.
How to be Grateful and say NO
1. Take a moment to lean into being grateful and thankful
Utilize the 5 Things Gratitude Exercise - click here
- What are you most thankful for?
- What does gratitude look like to you?
- Who do you want to thank?
2. How do you wish to express gratitude and thanksgiving?
3. How would you like to be thanked?
4. Take time to discern healthy boundaries you need. It’s a strong resilience skill!
Healthy boundaries = Saying yes to what you want to and NO to what you don’t want, while mitigating toxic people and environments.
With a theme of No November. Think of what you’d like to say no to.
Benefits of Healthy boundaries - a short list: Here's a longer list of benefits.
- Taking care of you by loving and honoring yourself and others.
- Build confidence
- Leads to greater compassion
- Reduces anger, resentment, frustration and negativity
- Build positivity and happiness
- Increases peace and safety
How to plan & start saying “NO” while setting healthy boundaries:
1. Evaluate the upcoming holiday season and the events, traditions, travel, and gatherings.
a. What brings you joy, happiness, gratitude, and love?
b. What brings you stress, anxiety, and negativity?
2. Next evaluate your calendar and schedule with energy, time, travel, and rest included.
a. What do you want to say Yes to?
b. What do you want to say No to?
3.Triggers – be aware of them and make a mitigation plan.
a. Take note of previous triggers and things that stress you.
b. What sort of mitigation or management of stress can you plan for?
Examples of mitigation strategies:
- I will meditate, pray, and/or journal daily.
- I will take a walk when I feel overwhelmed.
- I will hydrate and eat healthy.
- I will prioritize my sleep and rest when I need to.
- I will move my body. Regular exercise, walks, yoga, stretching.
- If X gets drunk and/or obnoxious, I’m leaving the room.
- If the conversation turns to X hot topic, I will not engage.
- If __ happens, I’ll respectfully remove myself.
- I will schedule self-care.
4. Practice Soft No and Hard No’s
Soft no’s – leaves room for a possible yes & can be easier
- Say no, not this year.
- Say no, not now.
- I have to check my calendar.
- Maybe later.
- I’m exhausted, let’s talk in a couple hours.
- Let’s discuss this later.
Hard No’s – firm but kind
- No. It’s a complete sentence & requires no justification.
- No, I need to take care of myself.
- No, I’m setting healthy boundaries.
- No, I’ve got other plans. (you don’t need to explain)
- No, I appreciate the invite and offer but I’m not going to make it.
- No thank you.
5. Want to say No but just “can’t / won’t” options:
Those challenging times, people and events that no feels like too much. Too hard to say no, it feels too uncomfortable or awkward, you want to avoid a blow up, or you might also be wresting with what the boundary you want to set.
Say yes to what you want to without saying, No.
- Thank you I’m coming for X (30min, 1 hour, deserts, starters, main meal)
Define a time frame that will work for you and let the host know. - Maybe, let me get back to you by ____ date/time.
- I need to check with my calendar/other person
- I can bring a pie over for deserts and visit for a bit.
- Yes, and I’m setting this boundary for my visit- share the boundary with the person.
How to set boundaries for healthy living and happier times
Determine your boundaries – see this article I wrote on how to set them.
Communicate your boundary with love, grace and respect with the host/family friend and yourself. Example: I may need to step out or leave to take care of myself.
- If ___ happens (fill in the blank of what is overstepping your boundaries.)
- then I will (how you will take care of yourself)
- I’m taking care of myself this year and I need ___.
- If I leave the room and take a walk by myself it’s not personal, it’s for my health.
When the boundary is overstepped - Stay firm and stand your ground with your boundaries. It’s not if it’s when. Prepare for this.
a. Repeat your boundary without emotion, judgement & respectfully
b. Don’t engage with other person or in an argument
c. You do not need to explain or justify yourself
d. Remove yourself from the room, place, situation if it escalates
More Boundary Resources:
More tips for setting boundaries with friends and families - Click Here
When there’s been changes in the family dynamics – deaths, divorce, illness …
Tips for survival and navigating the change. – Click here
10 more strategies for family time & holidays
The 7 Types of Boundaries
You can be grateful and say No. I encourage you to take time to be grateful and express thanksgiving. Please create healthy boundaries and say NO for you and your mental health. It’s No November after all. Make space for yourself and be mindful of how you spend the time, energy and your interactions.
I plan extra quiet time in between gatherings and events. I continue to work on boundaries and being comfortable with no, stating my boundaries and saying no while expressing gratitude and thanksgiving. We agree how long we will stay as a couple before we leave is another example of healthy boundaries.
May you be grateful AND set healthy boundaries for you and your loved ones. I hope you feel more comfortable setting your boundaries and practicing saying No in November and all year long.
I wish you and yours a peaceful and blessed November and holiday season.
If you or someone you know would like support dealing with stress, building resilience, career development, change, or has been knocked down reach out and contact me. I provide a safe place to find courage and live boldly.
I have space for 2 additional clients in November & December. If you or someone you know would like support with your career, goals, setting priorities, becoming resilient or bouncing back, please contact me. Let’s have a conversation to see how I can be of support.
Latest Client Wins: “I’m doing so much better after working with you. Thank You!”, "Wow, I have actions and a plan after just one coaching session!" Thank you, clients!
Follow me on social media for insightful contemplation prompts, tips, and motivational quotes.
Please share, like, or comment.
Peace, Love, and Blessings,
Teresa – leaning into saying No and being mindful with boundaries while being grateful
Teresa Q. Bitner, M.Ed., PMP, PCC - Resiliency, Change and Loss Coach
Partnering with those who have been knocked down by life and want to build resiliency and move forward and live a bold life.
[email protected]
www.boldfulfilledlifecoach.com
Author of:
· Soul Love: How A Dog Taught Me to Breathe Again
· The First Days: Coping with Life after Loss (updated 2nd edition)
· Explorations into the Being and Doing of Coaching: A collection of voices, insights, and wisdom from Austin area coaches
· My Journey as a Widow: A Widow’s First Journal
2025 Planners in final edits - reserve yours now!
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I’ve created a set of planners for 2025! I work with so many clients on time-management, time-blocking and planning that I decided to create one that is flexible and meets needs of those looking for a planner. It’s been fun to create and make these planners.
The planners are in final design and edit. I expect to release at least one by Thanksgiving and all in early December in time for Christmas and the New Year.
To indicate interest and save yours now click the link below to fill out a short form. You will be the first to know when they are ready for pre-order.
Thank you in advance and if you have questions please let me know.
https://www.boldfulfilledlifecoach.com/pre-order-2025-planner.html
The planners are in final design and edit. I expect to release at least one by Thanksgiving and all in early December in time for Christmas and the New Year.
To indicate interest and save yours now click the link below to fill out a short form. You will be the first to know when they are ready for pre-order.
Thank you in advance and if you have questions please let me know.
https://www.boldfulfilledlifecoach.com/pre-order-2025-planner.html
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