When we set boundaries we often set them with others. We also can set them with ourselves. Setting boundaries for yourself are known as personal or internal boundaries. The boundaries are about how we manage our own behavior, energy, and emotions. These are often overlooked, but they are crucial for mental health, productivity, and self-respect.
Why set internal boundaries?
1. Values and Priorities: What’s most important to you?
Before you can set boundaries, you need to understand what matters to you.
Ask yourself:
2. Identify Areas Where You Lack Boundaries
Look at patterns in your life where you:
• Overextend yourself
• Say yes when you mean no
• Procrastinate and then feel guilty
• Allow negative self-talk to go unchecked
• Work or engage in social media without limits
These are signs you may need internal boundaries.
3. Create Clear Self-Boundaries
Consider supportive limits you place on your behavior.
The intent is that these are supportive to your well-being and what you want to be healthy.
Examples:
• Time boundary: “I will log off work by 6pm so that I can have healthy work-life balance.”
• Mental boundary: “I will notice and reframe my negative thoughts.”
• Energy boundary: “I will commit to more than two social events per week.”
• Digital boundary: “Turn off digital input by 9pm.”
Write them down. Keep them visible. Celebrate when you’ve kept a boundary with yourself.
4. Practice Saying No to Yourself
Self-boundaries often mean not indulging and responding to our habits and impulses. This is a form of compassionate discipline with kindness.
• No, I won’t check my phone or email during dinner.
• No, I’m not going to scroll social media before bed.
• No, I don’t need to engage in drama with people.
Every “no” to something draining is a “yes” to what you value most.
5. Use Gentle Accountability
6. Respect Your Time and Energy
Treat your time and energy as limited resources.
Boundaries can be tricky to set. The more we practice the better we get. What matters is showing up for yourself consistently.
• Celebrate small wins: I stopped working on time today.
• Forgive slip-ups: I scrolled late, but I will reset tomorrow.
• Stay curious and avoid being critical.
8. Self-Boundaries Affirmations
Try saying or writing these regularly:
I encourage you to take some time reflect on what internal boundaries you’d like to set. I’d love to know how it goes for you.
I have space for three clients in July Let’s have a conversation to see how I can be of support.
Follow me on social media for tips, motivational quotes and insightful journal/contemplation questions.
Peace, and blessings,
Teresa – Setting my own boundaries for peace and well-being
Teresa Q. Bitner, M.Ed., PMP, PCC - Resiliency, Change and Loss Coach
Partnering with those who have been knocked down by life and want to build resiliency and move forward and live a bold life.
[email protected]
www.boldfulfilledlifecoach.com
Author of:
· Soul Love: How A Dog Taught Me to Breathe Again
· The First Days: Coping with Life after Loss (updated 2nd edition)
· Explorations into the Being and Doing of Coaching: A collection of voices, insights, and wisdom from Austin area coaches
· My Journey as a Widow: A Widow’s First Journal
Why set internal boundaries?
- They protect us: From taking on more than we can do, prevent burnout and promote a sense of self-compassion
- Improve Self-Awareness: When we set our own boundaries we then become aware of what our needs are and when we’re overstepping our own limits
- Improve Relationships: When we take care of ourselves, our well-being improves which then can improve our relationships
- Critical for Setting External Boundaries: When we know what is best for ourselves we then can clearly set external boundaries for others
1. Values and Priorities: What’s most important to you?
Before you can set boundaries, you need to understand what matters to you.
Ask yourself:
- What makes me feel fulfilled?
- What drains me or leaves me feeling resentful?
- What are my non-negotiables?
- What makes me feel happy and healthy?
2. Identify Areas Where You Lack Boundaries
Look at patterns in your life where you:
• Overextend yourself
• Say yes when you mean no
• Procrastinate and then feel guilty
• Allow negative self-talk to go unchecked
• Work or engage in social media without limits
These are signs you may need internal boundaries.
3. Create Clear Self-Boundaries
Consider supportive limits you place on your behavior.
The intent is that these are supportive to your well-being and what you want to be healthy.
Examples:
• Time boundary: “I will log off work by 6pm so that I can have healthy work-life balance.”
• Mental boundary: “I will notice and reframe my negative thoughts.”
• Energy boundary: “I will commit to more than two social events per week.”
• Digital boundary: “Turn off digital input by 9pm.”
Write them down. Keep them visible. Celebrate when you’ve kept a boundary with yourself.
4. Practice Saying No to Yourself
Self-boundaries often mean not indulging and responding to our habits and impulses. This is a form of compassionate discipline with kindness.
• No, I won’t check my phone or email during dinner.
• No, I’m not going to scroll social media before bed.
• No, I don’t need to engage in drama with people.
Every “no” to something draining is a “yes” to what you value most.
5. Use Gentle Accountability
- Track how well you stick to your boundaries—without shame. Get curious about trends or patterns
- Reflect daily or weekly.
- When you break a boundary, get curious? What happened? What could I do next time instead?
- Be honest, not harsh - remember this is for you and your well-being
6. Respect Your Time and Energy
Treat your time and energy as limited resources.
- Block off time for rest, relaxation and rejuvenation
- Block of time for non-negotiable self-care
- Avoid overcommitting out of fear of disappointing others
Boundaries can be tricky to set. The more we practice the better we get. What matters is showing up for yourself consistently.
• Celebrate small wins: I stopped working on time today.
• Forgive slip-ups: I scrolled late, but I will reset tomorrow.
• Stay curious and avoid being critical.
8. Self-Boundaries Affirmations
Try saying or writing these regularly:
- I am worthy of self-care
- It is OK to say No
- I am allowed to protect my peace and well-being
- I don’t need to earn rest or a vacation
- I can say no, even to myself, and still be kind
- Discipline is an act of self-love, not self-punishment
- I am resilient
I encourage you to take some time reflect on what internal boundaries you’d like to set. I’d love to know how it goes for you.
I have space for three clients in July Let’s have a conversation to see how I can be of support.
Follow me on social media for tips, motivational quotes and insightful journal/contemplation questions.
Peace, and blessings,
Teresa – Setting my own boundaries for peace and well-being
Teresa Q. Bitner, M.Ed., PMP, PCC - Resiliency, Change and Loss Coach
Partnering with those who have been knocked down by life and want to build resiliency and move forward and live a bold life.
[email protected]
www.boldfulfilledlifecoach.com
Author of:
· Soul Love: How A Dog Taught Me to Breathe Again
· The First Days: Coping with Life after Loss (updated 2nd edition)
· Explorations into the Being and Doing of Coaching: A collection of voices, insights, and wisdom from Austin area coaches
· My Journey as a Widow: A Widow’s First Journal
RSS Feed