Let’s consider about moving forward after change or loss. This is the first step to building resiliency as well.
First step is to consider what you can accept about this change?
- What is true?
- Consider how this change has affected you and your life?
- How has it rocked your previous “normal life” ?
The first step helps us get to acceptance. Acceptance means you acknowledge the change and you know life is different. You might not be happy about it but you are willing to accept it. Acceptance may take some time, it might start as a few moments of acceptance to an eventual OK, this is my reality. That’s a sign you are ready to finding a new normal.
Once you get to a place of acceptance and you can tolerate the fact that yup, this change happened and stay there for a while then you are likely ready to move forward with life and work towards that new normal.
For me, after my mother died and dad went into memory care, I was so tired and numb from the massive changes and long remote caregiving journey, that I didn’t even realize I was in for a new normal as a remote caregiver and legally responsible for my dad.
After a few months, it dawned on me wow, I’m really out of sorts, what’s up? Oh yeah, I’m dad’s caregiver, huh, yuck?
Thankfully, through my many previous life rocking changes, coaching education, training and awareness, I realized I need to define what this new reality was. I needed to speak it and plan for it. Once I wrapped my brain around this fact and was able to speak it, it became manageable and even joyous to be in a position to do this. It was not overnight, I was drowning with grief and anger - OK so NOW What? What do I do now? How can I begin to move forward? It’s all baby steps, one day at a time. Do what you can with what you have.
As a coach, I take people through a set of exercises to help them move forward.
Here are 5 Steps To Moving Forward Towards a New Normal
1. Make a list of ALL the losses that went with this change.
- List them all. This is making sure you’ve actually taken time to consider ALL that you lost.
2. Take time to mourn the losses you’ve experienced from your new list.
- It’s part of the process to move forward to grieve those changes and losses. In our list making there may be new losses you had not considered. Like - My person to ask cooking advice, the man who did… etc.
3. Describe what you’ve overcome before when you have experienced a life change or death of loved one.
- What changes have you overcome before?
- Has anything like this happened before? How did you heal (or not heal from that?)?
- Think of all the changes and losses you may have already experienced – moves, graduation, births, other deaths, job, and career changes.
- List them all - take your time to remember those.
4. What skills and resources can you utilize from previous changes or losses?
- What did you do that was helpful?
- Who might be a resource?
- List them all.
- Be as descriptive as you can.
5. How can you tap into those resources?
Think of all the creative ways you’ve overcome change and loss before.
- For me that’s making a plan and setting a vision for the future.
- Describe all of the resources, physical, people, emotional, spiritual, etc.
6. BONUS TIP - Pick one action you will take
- What resource can you use right now?
- Who will you call for support, help, or just to talk to?
- What one thing can you do to move forward?
- Consider what control and choices do you have about this new normal.
Here is to you finding your new normal! Celebrate after you take action! It isn’t always easy and it can take time - love yourself through this process.
I’ve included some resiliency, change, and relationship resources below. Looking for some support finding that new normal or know someone who does? I partner with motivated people that have been knocked down by life changes and losses who want to become more resilient. It can be unnerving to wonder what do I do now? Check out Now What? ® 90 Days to a New Life Direction if you’d like support or contact me. Let’s all move forward in life and live with joy!
Peace, Love, & Blessings,
Teresa Bitner, PMP, M. Ed., ACC
The New Normal
Finding a New Normal
Video - 5 Tips for Surviving Change and Building Resiliency
Managing and Surviving Change
How to Find Your New Normal - Teresa’s interview for Blogtalk Radio
Teresa’s Free Resources