I'm proud to announce this new ebook & paperback from Torn in Half. Jeni & I co-founded Torn in Half as a resource for early widows. When we were widowed we were unable to find many resources for us. We formed Torn in Half to be a resource for what we call early widow and widowers.

This ebook is for those who are newly widowed. While nobody ever wants to be a widow/widower, it is something we must handle once it comes to us. We created this workbook to provide guidance in those very difficult first days. We hope it will provide solace and peace as you enter into this unchartered territory of your life. 
We need your help to spread the word and get it to those who need it most. Our hope is to be a resource and provide companionship during those incredibly challenging first days of being a widow/widower. 

How you can help spread the word and share this work:

• Share via your social media
• Share this book with anyone you know who may benefit
• Share and forward this post
• Purchase, read and write us a review
• Gift it to someone
• Invite us to write a blog
• Invite us to be a podcast host
• Invite us to speak to your group or network
  
  

Where to find the book?
The Kindle paperback & eBook is available for ordering now through Amazon: 
https://www.amazon.com/Torn-Half-First-Days-ebook/dp/B08XJRNQKV/

Big shout out and warm thank you to our readers, book critique group and our families for their support and encouragement. 

Thank you in advance for sharing and we’d love to hear your comments.

Peace and Blessings,

Teresa with Jeni 

Teresa Q. Bitner, M.Ed., PMP, ACC - Resiliency, Change and Loss Coach
Partnering with those who have been knocked down my life and want to build resiliency and move forward and live a bold life.
 
[email protected]
www.boldfulfilledlifecoach.com

Author of Soul Love: How A Dog Taught Me to Breathe Again

P.S. How is your 2021 shaping up? How about some support?
I have a few client openings at this time. I’d be honored to partner with you to help you bounce back and move forward. I offer 30min laser coaching at a pay from the heart price. You pay me after we’re complete for each session based on the value you receive. Looking for more in depth coaching - I offer multiple services to meet you where you are.

According to Grief.com, “Grief is the internal part of loss, how we feel.  The internal work of grief is a process, a journey.  It does not end on a certain day or date.  It is as individual as each of us.”
 
I’d like to introduce Mark Smyth as my featured guest blogger.  I have watched Mark as he’s journeyed through some tremendous losses and have always been amazed at his positive outlook on life and death.  He is resilient and keeps on moving forward in life with such a positive attitude.  I asked him if he’d be willing to share his story and he graciously obliged me.  I am grateful and blessed to share Mark’s story on grief, loss, and resiliency with you. May it bring you hope and peace.

Grief – A Personal Experience – Mark Smyth

I think, too often, people assume grief only arises due to the death of a loved one.  But grief is not about death, it’s about loss. I have found that I have many losses for which I feel a profound sadness.  The magic of Christmas traditions from childhood that are now just distant memories, the end of a 24-year marriage that I thought would last a lifetime, even a proud moment like helping my daughter move away to college brought sadness at the realization that I was losing one of my closest friends.
 
My father died back in 2000.  I still have days where I miss him immensely, but I don’t feel sad because he is dead.  I feel sad because I no longer have the opportunity to have conversations with him and share our life stories.  When I hit milestones in my life I wish I could compare notes with him on how he was feeling when he hit those same milestones.
 
My favorite uncle lived in another state and passed away before my children ever had a chance to meet him.  I only saw him once or twice a year when I was growing up, but his kindness and wisdom had a significant impact on who I am today. I still feel a sense of sorrow that my children never got to meet one of my childhood icons.
 
I used to believe that death was the end of a lifetime.  Now I look at it more like a graduation.  Graduation is a scary yet exciting time of transition for the graduate.  It’s also a time of celebration for the successful completion of a worthwhile endeavor.  But it also brings about some sorrow for the underclassmen that are left behind.  I applaud my parents and my aunts and uncles for having successfully graduated from the school of life, and I look forward to my own graduation day.  But until then, I miss their presence and still think about the wonderful times we had when they were still “in school.”
 
Loss comes in many forms and the grief that is associated with those losses is as unique as the loss itself.  I have found that the most important aspect of dealing with grief is self-compassion.  Allow yourself to experience your grief in your own unique way.  And if you find yourself struggling to get back to a sense of “normal,” know that there are resources available (like Teresa Bitner) to help. 

• Mark Smyth

 
Mark is a lover of life and an avid listener of smooth jazz.  He enjoys nature walks and is drawn to the peaceful serenity of waterfalls.  He finds strength in his belief that we are all connected as one big spiritual family.

Thank you again Mark for sharing your wisdom and insight. I’ve included resiliency, grief and loss resources below that might be helpful. I’d love to be of support to you. 

Are you or someone you know struggling with grief and loss and want to move forward again?  I partner with self-driven people who keep getting knocked down by life's changes and loss who want to build resiliency and move forward in life.  Together we work to move forward to live boldly and fulfilled. 

Check out my website or email me to learn more.  Let’s connect.  If you want more resiliency, change, loss, and life tips register for my newsletter – to the right of this blog.

PS. Want to share your story with me as a guest blogger? Comment and contact me.

Peace, Love, & Blessings,
 
Teresa Bitner, PMP, M. Ed., ACC

Grief Resources - Click on the links below

Grief in General Resource

Coping with Grief and Loss

Bereavement & Grief Resources

Teresa's Resources

October is my grief month.  This is the week of grief anniversaries for me.  I’m taking a break from the steps to surviving change and loss blogs to write about this.  I have two grief anniversaries this year, hmm, I guess forever.  Now what do I do with this awkward, weird, uncomfortable grief and recognition?

This is the one-year of mom’s death and the seven years of Kris, my first husband.  Last year I wrote my blog on my mom’s deathand shared my raw insights on grief.  This year it’s the one year anniversary of her death.  How do I feel about that?

It’s all bittersweet.  On the one hand, it’s a relief that I’m not living in that dark place of the pre-grief, hospitals, hospice and watching her decline due to congestive heart failure and dealing with dad’s dementia all at the same time.  This time last year was overwhelmingly awful.  Then on the other hand, I’m in a surreal place of wow, a whole year and I still miss mom and I’m sad she’s gone.  I have survived that first year of firsts, OK, check – however I’m not done grieving.  I feel the sadness, that darn hole in the heart feeling, the replaying of events leading up to her death, the desire to talk about it, and the mind constantly thinking, Oh, a year ago, I was doing… mom was… There’s a lot of dread for the holidays since mom’s influence is huge and continues to affect me during the upcoming holiday season.
 
My deeper thoughts are, Augh, another grief anniversary and now two in the same week?  It feels like too much sometimes. Other times, I can go about my daily life.  The loss of Kris has lessened over time.  It is now a part of the fabric of our lives, that hole is still there.  Still, there is the reminder and sadness he’s not here, I miss him and he’s not there for the boys. Yes, we’ve all moved forward with life but, he’s still not here for the boys and that’s the most painful part.  He is still here with the memories, sayings and living within my children – just not physically on this earthly plane.  It’s a very weird place to be happily married but still miss my late husband. How does one wrestle with that?  I don’t really know and sometimes it feels so awkward.  I just try accepting it and thank God I’ve been blessed with two amazing men in my life.
 
What to do this icky and uncomfortable grief week? I will choose take care of myself and acknowledge this is a weird and uncomfortable week of grief anniversaries.  I am taking a few days off to get away at the end of the week with a friend this year.  Time to try something different and hopefully refreshing.  What do I need?  Just prayers and love.
 
So what do YOU do with your grief anniversaries? I’d love to hear so please share.  If you are experiencing your first and have no idea where to start here are a few thoughts from my journey you might find useful

Be aware of the date and what may be bubbling up for you.

• Ignoring and it stuffing it are forms of denial and can lead to outbreaks later.
• Consider how you feel and what you might need or want at this time.

Communicate what you need/want to others

• Do you want to be reminded of the day?  (i.e. FB “thinking of you”, emails, texts, calls, cards)  OR Do you prefer to not be reminded and move forward?
• Do you need or want support or talk about it?
• Work to communicate your needs to others.
  • They need to know what you want and how to support you.
  • Other people are generally trying to be helpful – if they aren’t gently let them know what you do need or want. 
    

How do you want to remember or spend the day(s)?

• Do you want or need to take time off of work?
• Do you want others around or spend it quiet?
• Do you want to get away or stay at home?

 
Do you want to do something special in memory of that person?Here are a few ideas myself and clients have chosen:

• Visit grave/memorial site
• Plant a plant or tree in memory of
• Put up a cross/other religious/spiritual memento
• Go down memory lane:
• Watch home video, look at photo albums, go through belongings, share stories
• Light a candle
• Journal/write/draw/paint
• Cook, build, do something they would have loved or enjoyed
• Volunteer or donate to their favorite charity
• Play their music, watch their movies, read their books
• Plan a special event, memorial or church service 

I’d love to hear how you cope and what If anything you do you do on your loved one’s death day?  What have you found helpful?  I’ve included some grief resources below that might be helpful.
 
Are you or someone you know struggling with change and loss?  I partner with those who desire change and are ready to make positive changes.  Together we work to move forward to live boldly and fulfilled.  I love hearing my clients joy restored and life moving forward again.

Check out my website or email me and let’s connect.  If you want more change, loss, and life tips register for my newsletter – to the right of this blog.

Are you or someone you know dealing with loss and grief?  Who do you know that has lost someone this past year?
 

• Register early for my Grief Perspectives – Surviving the Holidays Program
  • Starting Nov. 1, 8pm EST - 7pm CST – 5pm PST

 

• This three-week program is designed to give you additional weekly support and tools for surviving the holidays.  This is a deeper dive into how grief affects you during the holidays and can derail your joy and peace.  We will move from discussion to taking positive actions to survive and possibly thrive during the holidays.  - See more at: http://www.boldfulfilledlifecoach.com/holidaygriefprogram.html

 
Peace, Love, & Blessings,
 
Teresa Bitner

Bold Fulfilled Business & Life Coach –Change and Loss Specialty
[email protected]


 
Resources for Grief Anniversaries
 
Celebrating Anniversaries
 
Celebrating Anniversaries 2
 
Memorial Poems
 
The Firsts

Teresa's Free Resources for Grief

“There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief…and unspeakable love.”
– Washington Irving

I love that quote. It puts the act of mourning into great words.  In my last post I discussed the first step to surviving a change is to acknowledge the change or loss and then write down ALL of those losses associated with the change or loss.  I hope you’ve taken time to record and write down ALL of the losses associated with your change or loss.  Remember you didn’t just loose a ____ you lost many other things with this change and loss.
 
So now what, you have this heavy list of ALL of your losses. What’s the next step?
 
Second step to surviving change and loss is to: Take time to mourn each of those losses you’ve recorded.

• Mourning is defined as feeling or expressing sorrow or grief;  lamenting over.

• There is no correct or wrong way to grieve or mourn. It’s unique to you and your experiences. 

 

• Express the mourning and grieving – it’s a key part of the healing process
  • For each loss have a good cry, wail, scream, yell, rage, whatever emotion comes up
  • Journal, write, draw, or paint your losses
  • Talk to a trusted someone about your losses.

 

• Celebrate you took the second step and mourned your losses!
  • Take some time to acknowledge this hard work.

 
I will be sharing additional steps to surviving change and loss in upcoming posts.  In the mean time, take time to mourn those losses.  I've included some resources for you that may be helpful in navigating mourning and loss below. 
 
Are you or someone you know struggling with change and loss? I partner with those who desire change and are ready to make positive changes.  Together we work to move forward to live boldly and fulfilled.  I love hearing my clients joy restored and life moving forward again.  Check out my website or email me and let’s connect. 

Are you or someone you know dealing with loss and grief? Who do you know that has lost someone this past year?
 

• Register early for my Grief Triage - Strategies to Survive the Holidays Webinar 
  
  • Thursday, Oct. 20 -  8pm EST - 7pm CST – 5pm PST
    

 

• The holidays can bring up a lot of raw emotions and rob us of the joy of the season.  Learn and understand the perspectives on the wide range of normal grief responses that arise during the holidays. We will also explore what to expect from the holidays emotionally and physically and so you can prepare ahead of time with strategies for surviving. 
  

Peace, Love, & Blessings,
 
Teresa Bitner

Bold Fulfilled Business & Life Coach –Change and Loss Specialty
[email protected]

 
Resources for Mourning and Loss
 
Coping with Grief and Loss
 
Mourning and Grieving

Coping with Grief

Coping with Bereavement
 

I’m really honored and delighted to be interviewed on the international platform The Business Springboard with Radio Host Louise Crooks, and it’s coming up SOON.  I wanted you to hear all about it.
 
Join us for this 3 part interview series - Overcome the Tsunami Wave of Grief and Loss Now
 
We will cover 3 topics in this interview series:
 
Episode 1:  Overcoming the Tsunami of Grief  - Am I Going Crazy?
Mon. 22 Aug @ 1pm Eastern / 12noon Central/ 10am Pacific -Click here to set an alert.
 
Episode 2:  Confronting My Loss And Accepting My Life Has Changed
Wed. 24th Aug @ 1pm Eastern / 12noon Central / 10am Pacific    
Save the date!   More info coming to you shortly.
 
Episode 3:  Finding Your New Normal After The Loss of a Loved One.
Fri. 26th Aug @ 1pm Eastern / 12noon Central / 10am Pacific
Save the date!  More info coming to you soon.
 
 
Episode 1 - Overcoming the Tsunami of Grief – Am I Going Crazy?
 
In this first episode Louise will interview me on why grief often feels like we are going crazy after experiencing great loss.  I will share how I survived the sudden loss of my first husband and long journey through my mother’s failing health to eventual death, and the peaks and valleys that followed.
 
Listen in to learn steps to overcome and get through this tsunami of emotion.  You'll find out what is 'normal' when you are grieving and what to expect after a loss.  You'll hear tips for managing your emotional journey in a work setting and how to handle it with your employees and colleagues, as well as with other family members.  Listen in and learn more about how this journey doesn’t have to be a lonely and isolating one. 

REMEMBER!  Calendar this in NOW so you’re sure to catch this compelling show.

Monday 22nd Aug at 1pm ET/12 CT/10am PT
Click here to LISTEN LIVE, and to schedule your show alert: http://budurl.com/grieftsunami
 
Want to know a bit more about the rest of this 3 part interview series? 

I’m sure you’ll find the topics we’re discussing really helpful. (Please share if you know someone who could benefit! You can use the share buttons below.)


Here’s a little taster of what’s coming up:
 
Episode 2: Confronting My Loss And Accepting My Life Has Changed
 
In this second episode I’ll be interviewed on how to confront your loss. We’ll discuss why moving toward acceptance is important for healing and moving forward, as well as how to take steps to move toward acceptance, and the benefits of acceptance – both personally and professionally.  Grief is something that affects us all at some point in our lives.  It’s not IF, it’s WHEN.
 
Episode 3:  Finding Your New Normal After The Loss of a Loved One.
In this last episode of the series, I will be interviewed on what is meant by finding a new normal after a loss, how to find your new normal, steps to build your new normal – personally and professionally, possibilities for your new normal and lastly what do with those that don’t accept your new normal. Let’s unlock your change from within - and NOT from outside influences, which we’re susceptible to in times of great change.
 
I really hope you join us.  I know this could be a difficult time for you, and hope you’ll get lots from these interviews. 
 
Mark off the dates in your calendar, and look out for more details over the next couple of weeks.
 
Peace & Blessings,
 
Teresa
 
P.S.  Do you know someone who could really benefit from listening to this series?  Please feel free to forward this information to them, to let them know.  Not only will I be grateful, but I’m sure they will be too!

PPS. Looking for Grief Resources - check out my free resource page.