What a difference a week can make. Last Friday (10/16/15), I flew home from moving parents into assisted living feeling exhausted but relieved they were both getting the 24x7 care they needed, adjusting well, and doing as well as could be expected. Things were looking pretty good. This Friday (10/23/15), I sit in the fog of grief again as hospice called mid week to say mom had a “change of condition” (i.e. she’s declining rapidly and you should come to Fla. Augh…) Back to Fla. in less than a week?? That certainly was NOT my plan. I was coming back in November. I’m glad I’m here but wow, congestive heart failure is no way to go, let me assure you.
Insights on grief and life....
1. Make plans but allow God to work and be flexible with your plans. He does know best. Ask, listen, and follow. Argue less with God. It’s a one-way argument anyway.
2. Take care of your self. Get the rest you need, eat healthy food, and exercise to keep yourself healthy to be caregiver for others. You never know when you’ll need extra strength. Listen to your body. Don’t over indulge or go ignore what your body says it needs.
3. Surround yourself with positive helpful people. Don’t go it alone. Ask for help. Example: Hospice workers are angels on Earth. They are the nicest most caring people I’ve ever met. There really are good people on this Earth. Go find them in your time of need. Ask God He does provide. I cannot even begin to describe how that’s unfolded this past month. Things just work out the way they are supposed to.
4. Grief – let it flow over you and feel those feelings. You cannot fight, ignore, argue, deny, tell it, “nope, been there and I’m NOT doing this again…” Trust me, I’ve tried. Even feeling like a 4yr old wanting to have a temper tantrum. “I DON’T WANT TO.” It will find you and it will happen eventually. It sucks and there’s no way around it. Allow the feelings, journal, talk to someone, pray, and/or exercise. But allow grief to flow through you. You might just learn something, you will feel better eventually, it’s not permanent, you may even “hear” from someone on the other side. Grief is a gift to show how much we care and love – I heard that before and I think I get it now.
5. Love those you love. Really love them.. be there with them and for them. Talk to them, understand them the best you can, heal what you can, and don’t leave things unsaid. Do what you need to resolve broken relationships if they matter to you. You only get one chance at life and love. Don’t miss out because you got your boo boo feelings hurt or some other misunderstanding. You never know when it’s too late. I can happily say I have no regrets with relationships that matter. Can you? If not do something, pray on it. God is great for helping with forgiveness. We are forgiven so we can certainly forgive. It might not be easy but it’s the best gift you can give yourself and someone else.
6. From my mom. Keep your sense of humor & keep loving. Despite all that’s going on with her, her super frail condition and being so tired and weak she has kept a great sense of humor and continues love when she’s awake. She laughed, smiled, gave us her “big eyes”, reminded us, “She’s the mom and in charge.”, did a happy dance wave thing, gave out hugs and smiles and loves to hold Dad’s hand.
I knew she was going but, only a few hours after posting and before everyone could get to Fla? Wow.. the grief journey has been full of ups and downs. The last few weeks have been a blur and fog of grief and taking care of my parents affairs. I'm just beginning to feel the fog lifting a bit. I'll update later the next chapter in my grief and loss journey.
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If you or someone you know may be interested in coaching from me, I’d be honored to embark on that journey together. I really understand the different shade and personalities of loss and grief. So much more than before. Check out my website to contact me. If you want more life, change, loss, or business tips register for my newsletter (see the right side of the blog page)
Wishing you Peace, Love, & Blessings,
Bold Fulfilled Business & Life Coach – Change and Loss Specialty
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