Many clients of mine have said, “I don’t know how to make friends now that… “- something has changed. Changes range from - I’m working from home, my friends all moved, I moved to a new city, changed jobs, got married, been divorced, graduated, been laid off, had a baby, or I’m in recovery. What resonates for you?
Social capital – your wellbeing due to relationships. In the last article on connection, I encouraged evaluating your connections and network. Some questions to ask yourself: What is my social capital? How connected do I feel? How lonely am I?
Human connection basics:
Eye contact – the look of love, anger, happiness, sadness convey much. Eyes are said to be the lens to the soul.
Voice – speaking, singing, sounds you produce without language.
Touch – positive or negative, love, joy, soothing.
How to Cultivate Deeper Connection With Others
- Make eye contact - eye contact signals you’re open to connection.
- Smile – facial signals humans as friend or foe. Smile lots!
- Open to connection – be mindfully open to connection, making friends, meeting new people
- Put down electronic devices – smile to those who see you, wave hello, be kind, compliment someone
- Listen – without judgement, fix, help, advise. Just listen with your heart.
- Mindfully look for the good in other humans – big and small.
- Mitigate fear of meeting new people.
- Lean into the fear of looking, saying something dumb – most people don’t think that
- Have a mental list of safe topics, hobbies or questions to ask
- if your gut is screaming this is dangerous – listen and assess the fear
- Be 100% present with those you want to cultivate connection with
- No devices, remove distractions, make eye contact, listen more than talk
- Be compassionate – care about the other person creating psychological safety and trust
- Be curious- without judgement - about other people, different people and those you normally hang out with, different lifestyles, different races and cultures.
- Seek connection – don’t wait for it to happen. Be the one to call, text or email, plan a social gathering
- Practice vulnerability and self-awareness. Share what you’re thinking, feeling.
- Practice empathy – be aware of feelings, imagine others feelings, show care. No pity
- Be honest and truthful
Practice Making and Cultivating Connections
- Take the ideas above and put them into practice.
- Gamify it – how many times can you intentionally smile? How many people wave back at your during your walk?
- Set mini goals – reach out to 1 new connection each week, text weekly, email, send a life update
10 Connection Cultivators to Explore
1. Smile when out in public
2. Make eye contact when smiling
3. Wave to passersby
4. Ask a stranger – How are they? Or How is your day going today?
a. The person checking you out in line or helping you in the story. Listen fully
5. Join a new group, meetup, club, professional organization, or take a class
6. Aim to meet 1-5 new people per week/month
7. Set goals for connection with your network and community
a. Send texts, funny gifs, emails, cards, make calls, go visit, set up outings
8. Reconnect with those you’ve lost connection with and wish to rekindle a relationship
9. Practice listening without judgement, fixing or advising
10. Evaluate any fears, obstacles, or negativity about making connections
Here’s to cultivating meaningful, deep, and authentic, connections. Please let me know if you have other tips or ways to form connections.
If you or someone you know would like support to bounce back and make deeper connections, please reach out and contact me. You can also forward this to them or even provide an email introduction. I provide a safe place to explore your life and business. My clients inspire me with their wins, hard work, new jobs, reaching goals and moving forward in life.
PS. I have space for 1 clients in my coaching practice. If that's you or someone you know, please contact me here, use the form at the bottom and we’ll have a conversation to see how I may be of support for you.
Teresa – Cultivating deeper connections.
Teresa Q. Bitner, M.Ed., PMP, PCC - Resiliency, Change and Loss Coach
Partnering with those who have been knocked down my life and want to build resiliency and move forward and live a bold life.
[email protected]
www.boldfulfilledlifecoach.com
Author of:
• Soul Love: How A Dog Taught Me to Breathe Again - 4.8 Stars on Amazon
• Torn in Half: The First Days - Widow Journey - 5 Stars on Amazon
• Explorations into the Being and Doing of Coaching: A collection of voices, insights and wisdom from Austin area coaches
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