Culture, how you were raised, environment, context and situation impact boundaries. Which is harder – setting a work or personal relationship boundary? 95% of my clients state personal typically close family members.
What are healthy boundaries:
Boundaries have been defined as many things. Nedra Glover Tawwab’s definition resonates and covers it well. “Boundaries are rules, expectations, needs, and desires that help you feel safe and comfortable in life and in your relationships. “This is both at home, work and in all aspects of life.
I define them as saying yes to what you want to and no to what you do not want to, while mitigating toxic environments and people. They are a form of self-care.
Why set healthy boundaries:
- Improve your mental health
- Improves positive energy
- Improves well-being
- Increase positivity, happiness, peace and success
- Enhance relationships
- Enhance time management
- Reduce burnout
- Build Trust
- Build Confidence and self-esteem
- Reduce negativity, anger, pessimism and frustration
- Increase influence
- Develop autonomy and identity
How to Set Healthy Boundaries
I find that the client theme of these past few weeks have been setting healthy boundaries and how do I set boundaries?
- What boundary do you want to set? With whom, where, how?
- Where do you feel disrespect, frustrated, resentful, less than, overextended? These might be places to set a boundary.
- Acknowledge the discomfort that might arise – it’s normal. Do it anyway
- Plan on what you want to communicate. Write down the main points.
- Be clear and straightforward
- How you want to communicate your boundary? In person, phone vs. text or email.
- Stick to the facts, leave emotion out, let them know you care
- Keep it short and simple – no judgement, elaboration, or apologizing
- State what you need and what you like and prefer (vs in the negative)
- It’s not if, it’s when they will overstep your boundary
- Plan for how you want to deal when it happens
- Re-communicate the boundary firmly
- Be consistent and stay firm
- We cannot control them – we can choose how we interact with them.
- If they continue to overstep or ignore there may be a bigger issue and you may want to limit the time and energy spent in the situation – mitigating toxic people and environments
4. Celebrate & Acknowledge
- When you define and communicate the boundary
- When you stand firm and recommunicate it
- When they respect your boundary – thank them!
How do you feel about setting boundaries now?
It takes practice and patience in setting boundaries. Now that you know why and how to set them go for it. When you respect yourself others will then respect you!
What boundary will you set for yourself?
If you or someone you know struggles with boundaries or has been knocked down reach out and contact me. I provide a safe place to find opportunities and move forward. Don’t stay stuck!
My client load is full at this time. However, I have a wait list for when my next client “graduates” from coaching I will open up for additional clients. If that’s you or someone you know please contact me. Let’s have a conversation to see how I can be of support.
Latest client wins – Setting work boundaries with success and feeling less stressed and more balanced. Graduating from coaching and utilizing the tools to find motivation in work and life.
Follow me on social media for insightful questions, tips, and motivational quotes.
Peace, and blessings,
Teresa – Cultivating healthy boundaries and loving seeing clients live theirs!
PS: To learn more about setting healthy boundaries- check out by Nedra Glover Tawwab on social media. Or better yet, read her book: Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself.
Teresa Q. Bitner, M.Ed., PMP, PCC - Resiliency, Change and Loss Coach
Partnering with those who have been knocked down by life and want to build resiliency and move forward and live a bold life.
- Soul Love: How A Dog Taught Me to Breathe Again
- The First Days: Coping with Life after Loss (updated 2nd edition)
- Explorations into the Being and Doing of Coaching: A collection of voices, insights and wisdom from Austin area coaches