Many people have asked me how I found deep meaningful love, joy, and deep fulfillment in my life after the awful loss of my spouse. How was I able to move from a deeply grieving widow to a happily remarried newlywed over the course of four years? How can that happen? Can you really find love? Can it be found again or for the first time?
My answer is YES!! Oh YES you can find LOVE!
How??? The very first step is to love yourself. Keep reading if this doesn’t resonate with you. Love yourself but NOT in a selfish or self centered manner. Selfish love ruins relationships, is toxic, or uses people to get what you need. Self-love is to care, know, honor, respect, and take responsibility for yourself.
In order for you to be attractive in a deep soulful manner you must first love yourself. The world is attracted to those who love themselves. When you love yourself then you are able to readily share your love with the world. THAT is how I found love again. I had to find love me so that I could love another. You are an amazing creation in this universe with a unique purpose. If you feel confident in your self-love then share that amazing love. The world needs more love.
5 Steps to discover your own self-love & begin to love yourself
1. Respect yourself – in order to be respected you must respect yourself.
That means respecting who you really are and what you value based upon your
passions, likes, dislikes, etc. Give respect to yourself.
2. Honor yourself – much like respecting but also honoring the true you.
Be yourself and not what you think your “supposed to be” or what society says you are
supposed to be.
3. Set personal boundaries. Find the courage to honor your inner voice to protect your self and love yourself.
a. If you don’t like how someone treats you – tell them and set boundaries of
b. Learn to say No.
4. Clean the mental clutter & mess in life.
a. We all have some mental clutter and mess in our lives. I needed to “clean out” my clutter related to my upbringing, my journey of ups and downs in life, negative mental images, and a life lived with out self-love.
b. If you get stuck and/or have a lot of “stuff” to declutter in your life consider professional help like therapy or counseling. I did and it was transformative.
5. Practice loving yourself in positive healthy ways
a. Learn to say No. Set boundaries.
b. Do something positive you love and enjoy that fulfills you.
c. For your BODY
i. Exercise – Move, do something to pump blood to your brain. Find a routine that works for you.
ii. Eat healthy; pick one new healthy choice.
iii. Rest – Get the rest you need. Make a plan to get more or less sleep that you need to be the best you.
d. For your MIND
i. Spend time with others in positive relationships.
ii. Prune toxic or negative relationships. Set boundaries.
iii. Read, learn, journal, write, listen to music, work puzzles, take a class, or do something that will enrich your mind.
e. For your SPIRIT
i. Spend time in your spiritual beliefs.
ii. Learn to meditate or do yoga.
iii. Be generous. Give to something you believe in.
How to keep on working on self-love?
Make a reminder to love yourself. Set up your workspace and home with something that reminds you to love yourself.
Ideas: a picture, scent, color, totem/talisman, collage, sticky note, phone/calendar reminder, or whatever works in your work and home environments to remind you to LOVE YOU!
YOU are amazing!
Go forth and shine your light and love in the universe.
You never know what you will receive from sharing. You may just find the love you’ve been looking for.
Much Peace & Blessings & LOVE,
Teresa Bitner - Change and Loss Specialty