Boundary setting is a common topic in coaching. It’s life changing to watch clients set boundaries and grow. When we’re caught up in the hustle and bustle of life we often are too busy to think about healthy boundaries. Our always “on” lives of doing, self-sacrifice, and constant availability can make boundaries feel like a radical thing to do. Setting healthy boundaries is not just important, it’s essential for emotional well-being, fulfilling relationships, and living a balanced life. Whether it’s in work, friendships, family, or romantic relationships, boundaries help define what is acceptable and what is not. Boundaries protect our energy, time, and self-respect. Boundaries for ourselves are also important as they help protect our identity, feelings of safety and security.
What Are Boundaries?
Nedra Tweak defines boundaries as, “expectations and needs that help individuals feel safe and comfortable in their relationships. These boundaries can be expressed through statements or behaviors, and they are unique to each person.” Boundaries include the limits and rules we set for ourselves as well. You can think of them as guidelines that define how you want to be treated and your expectations for yourself and others.
Types of Boundaries:
There are different types of boundaries.
Healthy boundaries aren’t about building walls. Healthy boundaries are about creating clear, respectful lines that preserve your personal well-being and peace while having healthy connection with others.
Why Healthy Boundaries Matter
• Self-Respect & Enhances Self-Esteem: Boundaries affirm that your needs and feelings matter, self-care is important, boosts confidence
• Mental Health: They prevent stress, anxiety, burnout, and resentment
• Healthy Relationships: They foster mutual respect and understanding, improved communication
• Personal Growth: Increased productivity & focus, encourages accountability and self-awareness
Without clear boundaries, people may take advantage of your time, energy, or kindness. You become their yes person. You may find yourself constantly saying "yes" when you want to say "no," which can lead to resentment or emotional fatigue.
How to Set Healthy Boundaries
1. Know Your Limits
Start by identifying what makes you uncomfortable or stressed. Discomfort is often a sign a boundary is being crossed.
2. What do you want to say NO to more?
Think about the things you say yes to that you’d like to say no to. Consider a boundary you want to set with someone.
3. Be Clear and Direct - Communicate Your Boundary
You don’t need to over-explain or apologize for your needs. Communicate your boundaries clearly and kindly.
4. Use “I” Statements
They help take the blame off the other person and focus on your feelings.
• I feel overwhelmed when plans change last minute. I need to check my calendar before I commit to this.
5. Be Consistent
Enforcing boundaries may feel tough, especially if others are used to the old version of you. Stay consistent. Over time, people will adjust.
6. Expect Resistance and Push Back
Not everyone will like or understand your boundaries. That’s normal. Setting them isn’t about pleasing others, it’s about honoring yourself. You may notice that some folks ignore you or make fun of your boundaries. That’s OK, that says more about them than you. It’s them expressing their own discomfort.
When Boundaries Are Broken & Overstepped
Its’s not if, it’s when. It’s inevitable that boundaries will be tested. If someone crosses a line or oversteps here are some things you can do.
• Reiterate your boundary firmly.
• Consider natural consequences if it happens repeatedly.
For example: If Sam keeps texting me at 9pm I need to block them.
• Reevaluate the relationship if the boundary continues to be disrespected.
Boundaries Are a Form of Self-Love & Self-Respect
At their core, boundaries are a declaration that your well-being matters to you and others. They’re not selfish; they’re necessary. They allow you to show up as your best self—for you and for the people you care about.
In setting boundaries, you teach others how to treat you.
Remember YOU are worthy of respect, rest, and peace.
Healthy boundaries don’t push people away; they make space for deeper, more authentic connections. Start small, speak honestly, and remember: saying “no” to others can be a powerful way of saying “yes” to yourself.
Think of setting boundaries as a lifelong journey. It takes practice and things and life will change and your boundaries will too.
In encourage you to invest in boundary setting for yourself. I’ve seen it change many client’s lives in incredible ways.
I have space for three clients in July Let’s have a conversation to see how I can be of support. I love supporting clients in reaching their goals and setting healthy boundaries.
Client Wins: I've made unfathomable progress., Thank you for your career coaching, you helped me gain clarity and focus on my job hunt and I’ve landed a new job after my layoff. It’s so great to get back to coaching with you, I am more focused on my goals after speaking with you. Thank you clients for inspiring me.
Follow me on social media for insightful questions, tips, and motivational quotes.
Peace, and blessings,
Teresa – Sharing boundaries and reminding myself to keep healthy boundaries.
Teresa Q. Bitner, M.Ed., PMP, PCC - Resiliency, Change and Loss Coach
Partnering with those who have been knocked down by life and want to build resiliency and move forward and live a bold life.
[email protected]
www.boldfulfilledlifecoach.com
Author of:
· Soul Love: How A Dog Taught Me to Breathe Again
· The First Days: Coping with Life after Loss (updated 2nd edition)
· Explorations into the Being and Doing of Coaching: A collection of voices, insights, and wisdom from Austin area coaches
· My Journey as a Widow: A Widow’s First Journal
What Are Boundaries?
Nedra Tweak defines boundaries as, “expectations and needs that help individuals feel safe and comfortable in their relationships. These boundaries can be expressed through statements or behaviors, and they are unique to each person.” Boundaries include the limits and rules we set for ourselves as well. You can think of them as guidelines that define how you want to be treated and your expectations for yourself and others.
Types of Boundaries:
There are different types of boundaries.
- Physical - personal space, personal touch, and need for privacy
- Emotional - protecting emotional well-being, what you choose to share or not share, not taking on others feelings as your own
- Mental/Intellectual - respect for thoughts, beliefs, and opinions
- Spiritual - personal beliefs and spiritual practices without judgement or undue influence
- I believe in (deity/belief) and I’m curious about your religion. - Digital - amount of screen time, social media, online safety
- Please don’t share photos of me without asking. - Material/Financial - what is acceptable for personal belongings and financial resource
- Time - Setting and keeping personal time limits for work, relationships, recreation, spirituality and making sure that self-care and personal time is included
- I don’t take work calls after 6 PM or on weekends. - Energetic - protecting self from absorbing others energy and emotions, especially important for empaths and sensitive folks.
- Wow, that’s a lot you shared, I am going to need to take a break and stop now.
Healthy boundaries aren’t about building walls. Healthy boundaries are about creating clear, respectful lines that preserve your personal well-being and peace while having healthy connection with others.
Why Healthy Boundaries Matter
• Self-Respect & Enhances Self-Esteem: Boundaries affirm that your needs and feelings matter, self-care is important, boosts confidence
• Mental Health: They prevent stress, anxiety, burnout, and resentment
• Healthy Relationships: They foster mutual respect and understanding, improved communication
• Personal Growth: Increased productivity & focus, encourages accountability and self-awareness
Without clear boundaries, people may take advantage of your time, energy, or kindness. You become their yes person. You may find yourself constantly saying "yes" when you want to say "no," which can lead to resentment or emotional fatigue.
How to Set Healthy Boundaries
1. Know Your Limits
Start by identifying what makes you uncomfortable or stressed. Discomfort is often a sign a boundary is being crossed.
2. What do you want to say NO to more?
Think about the things you say yes to that you’d like to say no to. Consider a boundary you want to set with someone.
3. Be Clear and Direct - Communicate Your Boundary
You don’t need to over-explain or apologize for your needs. Communicate your boundaries clearly and kindly.
4. Use “I” Statements
They help take the blame off the other person and focus on your feelings.
• I feel overwhelmed when plans change last minute. I need to check my calendar before I commit to this.
5. Be Consistent
Enforcing boundaries may feel tough, especially if others are used to the old version of you. Stay consistent. Over time, people will adjust.
6. Expect Resistance and Push Back
Not everyone will like or understand your boundaries. That’s normal. Setting them isn’t about pleasing others, it’s about honoring yourself. You may notice that some folks ignore you or make fun of your boundaries. That’s OK, that says more about them than you. It’s them expressing their own discomfort.
When Boundaries Are Broken & Overstepped
Its’s not if, it’s when. It’s inevitable that boundaries will be tested. If someone crosses a line or oversteps here are some things you can do.
• Reiterate your boundary firmly.
• Consider natural consequences if it happens repeatedly.
For example: If Sam keeps texting me at 9pm I need to block them.
• Reevaluate the relationship if the boundary continues to be disrespected.
Boundaries Are a Form of Self-Love & Self-Respect
At their core, boundaries are a declaration that your well-being matters to you and others. They’re not selfish; they’re necessary. They allow you to show up as your best self—for you and for the people you care about.
In setting boundaries, you teach others how to treat you.
Remember YOU are worthy of respect, rest, and peace.
Healthy boundaries don’t push people away; they make space for deeper, more authentic connections. Start small, speak honestly, and remember: saying “no” to others can be a powerful way of saying “yes” to yourself.
Think of setting boundaries as a lifelong journey. It takes practice and things and life will change and your boundaries will too.
In encourage you to invest in boundary setting for yourself. I’ve seen it change many client’s lives in incredible ways.
I have space for three clients in July Let’s have a conversation to see how I can be of support. I love supporting clients in reaching their goals and setting healthy boundaries.
Client Wins: I've made unfathomable progress., Thank you for your career coaching, you helped me gain clarity and focus on my job hunt and I’ve landed a new job after my layoff. It’s so great to get back to coaching with you, I am more focused on my goals after speaking with you. Thank you clients for inspiring me.
Follow me on social media for insightful questions, tips, and motivational quotes.
Peace, and blessings,
Teresa – Sharing boundaries and reminding myself to keep healthy boundaries.
Teresa Q. Bitner, M.Ed., PMP, PCC - Resiliency, Change and Loss Coach
Partnering with those who have been knocked down by life and want to build resiliency and move forward and live a bold life.
[email protected]
www.boldfulfilledlifecoach.com
Author of:
· Soul Love: How A Dog Taught Me to Breathe Again
· The First Days: Coping with Life after Loss (updated 2nd edition)
· Explorations into the Being and Doing of Coaching: A collection of voices, insights, and wisdom from Austin area coaches
· My Journey as a Widow: A Widow’s First Journal
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